my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
