She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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