i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was like giving head to a cactus.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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