she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
