I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize