and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
