I only kidnapped one of them. chill
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
