She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
