Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
