he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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