Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
