how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
