Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
