Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
