im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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