It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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