When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
