You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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