Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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