yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
