did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
