The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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