Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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