i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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