he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
