How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
