you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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