Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
