everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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