I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
