Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this boner is exhausting
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
