Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
