well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
