Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
