my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
