your thong is hanging out like whoa
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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