I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
