everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
