I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
