When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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