How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
