I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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