Have you finally orgasmed yet?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
