Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
