She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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