Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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