Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
