Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
