Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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