I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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