His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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