Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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