Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm bleeding and have questions
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
